Tired of Conforming? Here’s How to Truly Be Yourself

There's always a new path to choose, unapologetically be yourself.

Photo by Luis Alfonso Orellana on Unsplash

At one point in almost all of our lives, we try to conform. We conform to societal expectations, social groups and how our family brings us up. At some point in our lives we try to break free of it. Some of us go hard at trying to break free, others break free in a more quiet fashion and others may not break free at all.

It’s all a part of discovering who we are. Some of us may never break free of this and do everything by the book.

What’s strange is that there are certain parts of ourselves that are easier than others to break free. Personally, I find it easy to tell people that I’m training for ultra marathons but find it hard to tell them that I enjoy writing. It’s strange. I have no problem telling someone I just met that I’m the borderline insane person that wants to run for 24 hours straight but when it comes to telling them I wrote a thousand word article on 8 Mistakes I Made When I Started Running, I’m hesitant to talk about it.

Maybe that’s a piece of imposter syndrome or maybe it’s something deeper? How do you unapologetically be yourself? Some of the people I respect most in the world are unapologetically themselves, so why shouldn’t we all try to be that way?

Imposter Syndrome

There’s a part of us that feels like we don’t have enough knowledge or experience to talk about a topic. There’s honestly no excuse for it. I’ve read dozens of books on nutrition, listened to over a hundred podcasts and have been following the studies for about 15 years now. Why don’t I feel like I have the right to talk about it?

The first excuse could be because I don’t have a degree in nutrition. If that was a valid excuse, then that means I only have the right to talk about things I have a degree in. I went to school for Business and have worked in supply chain for about 10 years. Do I feel like I’m able to be an expert writer in supply chain? Definitely not. The credential excuse isn’t valid.

Other excuse can be that you’re trying to be too humble. You may have vast knowledge on a topic but you don’t want to talk about it because of humility. This isn’t a valid excuse because if you wrote or talked about a topic and someone corrects you, you would take it with humility and learn from it. Don’t let humility stop you from stepping in the arena.

Be Okay With Being Misunderstood

If there was an ultra marathon near me in September, I’d rather do that than have a bachelor party. I know, it sounds weird but that’s the truth. For me, relaxing isn’t laying by the pool and doing breathing exercises. Relaxing is doing something that I love doing, despite what it does to my body. That includes writing and exercise.

Writing is one of the most relaxing things that I do, especially when the writing is hard. I love the challenge of solving the puzzle. What makes me feel unrelaxed is being unstimulated. It feels like a piece of me is decaying when I am not moving.

Running is relaxing to me for the same reasons that writing is. Some days, it’s easy and other days it feels impossible. The part that I love about it is overcoming the obstacles that are in front of me both mentally and physically.

Set Boundaries

Coming from a chronic people pleaser, setting boundaries can be hard. A lot of people have a tough time setting boundaries because they don’t know how to set them. They think setting boundaries is one of these:

• Saying “no” in a way that makes you look like an asshole.

• Ghosting people and hoping they’ll forget about you, which also doesn’t make you look good.

• Turning down work which makes you feel like it could prevent you from moving up in a company.

Setting boundaries can be hard. Sometimes timing can be important to set boundaries. For example, when you start a new job, you might want to start off looking like a hard worker so you’ll work through lunch and do jobs that are well above your pay grade. However, when you establish that as the boundary when you start, it’s harder to pull it back. I learned this the hard way in one of my first jobs when I’d work through lunch and try to be superman everyday. I didn’t want to always have to do that. One day, I decided that I was going to rip the bandaid off and start leaving the office during lunch and slowly started tapering some things down. It made me a far more effective worker because I was looking after my own well being.

Surround Yourself With Support

Forget the haters. They don’t matter. In fact, you should want haters because it means you’re owning some mental real estate in some people head.

They say you’re as successful at the five closest people to you. There’s a reason for that. We tend to conform to what our surrounding are. Instead of conforming to your surroundings, conform your surroundings to you.

Embrace Imperfection

Living your life unapologetically is not going to be perfect. You’re going to make some mistakes, you’re probably going to disagree with some people and doubt yourself.

All of that is okay. Living unapologetically is about actively seeking your path. It’s about finding your freedom and breaking the shackles of what you have been molded to.

If you don’t choose a path, it will be chosen for you. It’s either choose or have it be chosen for you. I regret to say for a while, I’ve had my life chosen for me instead of choosing it for myself. I never envisioned myself working in supply chain or doing anything of what I’m doing now. I let the path be chosen for me and I’m taking it back. Even if you gave up your choice at one point in your life doesn’t mean that it’s gone forever. You can always make the effort to change.

Use your past mistakes as a learning experience to never go back to again.

Conclusion

Being unapologetically yourself isn’t about being rude or abrasive. It’s about being honest about who you are. It’s about breaking the illusion of security and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Most people try to protect themselves by being something they’re not. However, over time that ends up leading them to a life they’ll regret.